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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Mar 31, 2010 11:58:49 GMT -5
(12) Why does the divine punish me so ? My pain is a new wound that will take along time to heal. It just doesn’t seem real how can Ryuu be dead. And Lilly has driven into a state of mind I cant begin to describe. Its hard to coop with the life I live presently as a healer I try my best to save lives and stop suffering and yet people die all around me and im unable to prevent anyone suffering. It seems that my nightmares are triggered by death. And I understand why they are the creature they are. It seems that my past is not yet a memory, but an everyday occurrence Ryuu seemed to trigger the best within me. I need to see him once last time , even if I must raise him from the dead . I have read about such things and I could do it , but could I bring my self to see him suffer. Why is it when I bring one close to me they are pulled away by the divine . At least I can rest knowing that my suffering is shared ,and that my burden isn’t carried by only me. Although I wish that Lilly didn’t have to feel the pain I feel. I fear I cant shake the image of her Crazed state it replays as I try to sleep in the silence of the hospital, I want to scream out but I cant .
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 2, 2010 16:42:25 GMT -5
( 12 ) its too Quiet in a hosptial and there very little to do . but it beat paying to get a room. I met a very nice Girl today. shes alot like myself and i enjyed danceing with her . and triping that fool shuten..... Its odd i look very forward to seeing ehr again siting her waiting for here seems like ages .
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 3, 2010 7:34:52 GMT -5
(13) feeling are rushing through me and i hardly can sleep, my thoguhts race and my mind wont go to rest i layed tryign toi sleep for hours but never did i truly rest . my eyes were shut by my mind was a flood gate like water that flows fast into the lack i couldnt prevent the event that had happen and in truth i dotn think i wanted anything eles. Again im not alone and i feel there is another that will walk my way and hold my hand throguth the Rough world that lies ahead of me. my light my candel my beacon , netsy.
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 4, 2010 12:04:11 GMT -5
(page 14) I find some free time to write in my journal now after i had to leave Poor Netsy . she probly hate me, but ill have to make it up to her she is great , the one person that if i see bring a Feelign to my heart that i havent felt in so long . Love is a Strong word . when used in porportion it's a Word that would best Discribes Are realationship . I hope to see her very shortly . I hope she will Vist it me . untill then ill wait and finish Doing my nails *a Bit of Silver nail polish is on the page*
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 5, 2010 7:27:40 GMT -5
Page 15) I find time to write as i sit in Netsy apparntment when she sleeps, i find my love for her has grown and they small date we had this Evening will be nothing compared to what im planing tonight i just hope she sleeps well enoguth that shes not too tired I want to dance with her for most the night , after we get a meal ,
My Dearest Netsy For you my love ,get me. Are love that will grow Your Flower Forever Rose.
Her love grows for Netsy adn for the little time she spends apart from her she Prays for her safety.
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 6, 2010 12:26:31 GMT -5
Page 16 ) After leaving Netsy’s Apartment I have wandered to my own, the rooms dark and cold but its better then with that band of thugs I called my family for years. My Places is Clearly Fore Told , My place is with Netsy. I do hope she approves of my Gift. For I have grown to love her in many ways. We all know who we are , but most of us don’t know who we may become . kindness is a language We share , it’s the Language the blind can see and the deaf can hear. Once me and Netsy are set up . I wish to tell my True friends , if they disapprove of this, they can not truly be my friends, for my true friends would want me to be happy . So now I Will stay with her .
Day’s go on forever , but I have not left your side We can chase the time together , if you go then so will I
Not Faith , Not Time ,Not Death . Will take me from you . My Rose My lovely Flower , ill treasure you for ever and always.
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 7, 2010 9:55:04 GMT -5
Page 17) I was shocked when Netsy told me she hated surprises , its not unheard of but I blows my mind . I myself need surprises they keep my life interesting , like Netsy she was not only a gift , but my greatest surprise . I was glad that she enjoyed the Birthday presents. I am so happy , She decided to like that surprise , if she had not I might have broken down and cried. Now we just need to ad a little life to are dark House. I have to pack up the rest of my stuff from the hospital and Bring it over to our house. How nice that sounds “Our House “ at the tip of my tongue it rides Smooth back into my Throat its not a hard thing to say , but it makes me feel I belong.
On a Different Thought, there’s a child that chews at the back of my mind. Netsy seemed drawn to her . She looks very similar to my Dear Netsy, but I know she’s not old enough to be her own child. Maybe im just paranoid that the child may take my Netsy away , maybe she’s just being the kind hearted soul I know she can be , under her Defenses she is very kind and Gentle , But aren’t we all , don’t we all have the inner demons
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 7, 2010 22:25:12 GMT -5
(Page 17 Bottom ) After geting my Stuff i ran into a girl , she was young and very Hard to comfort , she seemed almsot scared . im not that scary. at the mention of Netsy she Ran away . i think there is somthing i need to tlak to Netsy about . and in return ill ahve to talk and open up about my own horrible ways. ill not look forward to this . ill set my stuff up , and leave to see if i cna help at the hospital . theres a patient there that i might be there all night , i hope Netsy doesnt worrie . i might not be back untill noon .
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 8, 2010 10:38:32 GMT -5
Page 18 ) I awoke after a Very Calm Dream , it was almsot a Replica of th brithday present i did for netsy
Its odd , my best moments have al been with her , she is such a tease , i cant beilvi i thoguht she had my book . i shoudl have looked in the bag at the door . .... that woudl ahev fooled her
I have thoguht long about the way i feel for her .
Shes my Calm , before the storm My sun through the rai n My partner for life
I better make something for Netsy while she sleeps , i ahe a feeling shell be up soon . hmm i think a nice Breafast of pancakes , i hope she likes them , i added a bit of mint leaves then when i kiss her i can say " mhhh arent you a minty girl this morning " ... she'll probly bite me ..... what a tease ..
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 8, 2010 23:09:53 GMT -5
(page 19 ) i fear Netsy's Gone to do soemthing unspeak able . i think the only thing that makes me not disaprove of her leaving is Chi SHes cute, and yet someone could bring harm to her ... i Hate people like that. i will have to take care of poor little chi while shes gone . 3 days . thats along time
it upsets me to much to think on this too much . ill do what Netsy asked of me and ill bond with Chi . that poor child needs a mother figure , and well me and netsy will ahev t o be both the sister and the mother .
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 10, 2010 0:14:16 GMT -5
(20) Why do the Small things in life make me the happiest?
Chi and Netsy are my life . its odd how life works . is it bad that my Highlights of my days are the two of them?
, it too confuseing .
And poor ryuu , he must be scared out of him mind . i hope thats the last time he spys on me . i think he liked what he seen . and i ahev a feelign netsy knew he was there.
What A GIRL!!!!! She takes my Breath away since the frist time my eyes layed upon her . my heart was opened to her. her sweet voice from behidn the Fake wall in the hospital
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 11, 2010 7:28:08 GMT -5
(Page 21)
// Lisen to thsi while reading \\
My Scares Remain and it pains me to no end seeign netsy as she was last night , and thsi morning .
i worrie for her too much , i know the feelign is love and as i get more used to it i know its true .
I just await the day...... i need her , shes my other half , the way we connect , the way we are so diffrent and yet we attract , kinda like magnets ..... i guess
But lilly , i need to find out whats the matter with her , i know that larva was in her , but i still think she ment what she said , she will nto stop untill im withotu netsy , netsy wounds are proof enoguth for me , ill have to do something . .... but what , i dont think i could kill her , after all she "Was" my friend , i hope that it doesnt come down to it , but i think it would be best if i avoided her from now on . ill ahev to decline on being her maid of honour ..... i was lookign forward to that before , but now it seems i dont want her aroudn at all.
Ill Make sure that i keep my Family safe , Netsy me and Chi thats all i need if thats all they need .
We will be happy.
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 11, 2010 21:12:06 GMT -5
(page 22) My Dearest love ,Netsy has been given a scar , shes ashamed of it .
Scars are just reminders of what we haev done , they remind us of why we are , and that we arnt immortal . i see no shame in Netsy's Scar. It pains me to see her like this, its not her Looks that made me fall for her. From behind the hospital wall i couldn't see her face . her Exotic and Dareing personality , takes claim over my heart . her looks are only but a part. but shes very attrative still, and id beign willing to kill thoughs who disagree.
It is agisnt in all that i beivlie but im willing to do somethign thats is so unmoral by my belieifs as to take a kunai to her face , and cut the scar away and try to heal the flesh back to the natrual state. it would cost me would most likely be knocked out by all the extreamly carful chakra Control.
my only other thoguht to make her feel better , is to do soemthing to my own face , at least then she wouldnt be so afraid of what others think .
i need to make her happy , she almost kills me when shes in danger , when the larva Mother took her from me i lost all hope . i lost everything i was willign to die i layed there only prayign that the moster woudl take me too. at least then i coudl see my love once more before i died.
are spar this morning was very Close, we are very even ,althoguth she hits harder then me . i seemed to hit more time. but over all i over did it , i spun myself so much i coudltn even stand . i must work on that .
and poor netsy was stuck talkign to dotu , at least i thin k thats lillys brothers name . lilly is such a wonder , ryuu is a lucky guy . im glade netsy convinced dotu to let lilly get her own life in order , she needs the stableness in her life.
ill have to send a application for a squad i can only pray they send me with netsy . there i could be the best of what i am . but theres always to possiblity that i am and she gets hurt and i cost other other Squad mates life to save Netsy woudl i be able to chose logical . i highly doubt i could , my first and only reaction would be for netsy .
Now the Really Question , is am i happy ? do i suround myself with this chaotic life ? Do i make this Currpution , woudl they be better without me ? I do hope i am not .
Rose .
*the books left open on the bedside table as the final pen marks are a rush and it seesm shes left it open *
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 12, 2010 8:35:13 GMT -5
*this Note Lies on the bed its the same Trim as THe pages in her Diary
Be Happy My love , dont hide your Pretty Face from the World.
Netsy, My Dearest Ill Hold you Nearest Forget your Scar You’re my Star You’re my Flower, Are love will Tower My Prize I’ve Claimed Forget you Shame Together We are Divine Forever will you Shine I show me Affection , You are my Perfection , Hold on Tight Forever Bright Never Faded Never Shaded You’re my Rose , My love for You only Grows Day by Day Through dark and Grey Hold high your Wings Be proud and Sing As White as snow Forever Glow For you my Saint My face ill Taint So we hold till the next Il carve an X Don’t cry Ill hold my Head high My head not Bowed For I Will Be Proud Are love Will Stew As long as im Next to You Be Bold Forever we’ll Hold There is no Defect We are Perfect My Breach of Duty Forever Your Beauty The Lifely Waters Pours Forever Yours
Rose.
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Post by Rose/Kiba\ PawZ on Apr 13, 2010 8:50:18 GMT -5
(Page 23) The scars mean nothing to me , my beauty lies within , I just hoped Netsy would find this , There is still hope, after I met my Squad leader , I asked if scars could be healed to the point they don’t exist, the answer was yes , but it will take me along time before I can perform such an controlled jutsu , But ill wear my scar as a reminder of this goal , ill be the one to help Netsy through her Issue . She means to much to me to give up on her now. I will make her happy , even if I am to suffer, But her reaction to the scar was not what I expected …. Although I cant tell her why its there, she wouldn’t understand Even if she will talk to me again, I cant help but feel ashamed , it hurt her so much To see me with the scar , I just pray she doesn’t blame herself, Id do it again if I needed , it didn’t hurt much , and its something that will surely fade in time , and eventual I can fix it , and she can be happy again , if she talks to me . I just hope she does ….
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